1. |
17
03:25
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2. |
Birdcage
04:18
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part 1, "tell me how to draw a bird".
that was when i remembered yesterday - severe headaches and a rich palette of emotional monsters. didn’t even know where to begin, so i made coffee and drank water. what a terrible night.. her face stuck to every bottle, while all of my attempts to resocialize after weeks of isolation and junkfood lead down an all too familiar road - infinite shame and the yearning for a spiritual epiphany.
the phone rang and my heart stopped. “this is an answering machine - if you don’t talk, i don’t answer” said blixa right before the beep. i loathe speaking on the phone, yet all my hopes lay on that one beautiful voice coming through the speakers. trauma teaches you to live without hope, accept solitude and exist only in known limits, slowly and very carefully. fooling you with promises of protection from nonexistent threats it wins your trust and clouds your judgement. but still, you find yourself daydreaming of how it could be, embracing life at it’s fullest, dedicating yourself to a revolution, traveling around the world, helping people in need or creating art that actually would be appreciated. truth be told, it always ends up with a new lock on your door and two empty bottles of cheap wine. and you’ll start to regret it, but in the end, nothing really matters when you pass out on the floor, reaching for your pillow. she briefly introduced herself and asked if we were still having that walk soon. i picked up the phone in an instant, my voice shaking, saying i’d love nothing more than that… sunday hasn’t felt so good in years.
we met two hours later. she opened her arms, looking straight in my eyes. god, what did she see in me? all i could offer was a nasty hangover blues, eye bags darker than the coldest coffee and a deep-rooted confusion about human relationships… we spent the whole afternoon together talking about growing up and feeling “distant”, having problems with puberty and embarrassing first times, bad drug experiences and all-time favourite things. she had a suprisingly good taste in music… we discovered a mutual interest for weird sounds and rare obscurities. that reminded me of a record i found recently called “symphony of the birds” by jim fasset…
(a work in progress, tbc)
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3. |
Disposal
03:53
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4. |
Joey
06:23
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